The Hiding

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Hi, I'm Legend, she/ze. Welcome to the Teashop Between Worlds. Today I'm interviewing two characters whose universe overlaps mine, so I'm very excited. We have Harper and *checks notes then frowns* Are you sure that's how you want to be known?

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Zero: Mrow. *Waves his left paw*

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Legend: Ooookay then. We have Harper, she/her and Fi...uh...Zero, he/him, from the pen of our joint, beloved author, Alethea Lyons. Ze is absolutely wonderful to us and never makes anything bad happen in our worlds.

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Harper: Legend, she's not going to buy the blatant suck up and change what happens in your book.

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Legend: It was worth a try. Anyway, introducing Harper and Zero from The Hiding. Harper, as you can see, is a human woman, but she's allowed in here because she's also a witch. Zero, eurgh, I feel so stupid calling him that when I know his proper name. Zero is a cat. A very pretty white Turkish Angora cat. As Harper understands cat-language, she will be translating for those here at the teashop. For those reading the transcription at home, we'll just type the translation in directly.

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Normally I'd tell you to introduce yourselves, but you're regulars via our Shambles entrance and I've already done that. So tell us an interesting fact about yourself.

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Harper: Uh...I'm pretty bad at these.

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Heresy: Harper dearest, you are bad at most things.

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Legend: Oh, we also have ball of soot deception demon, Heresy, he/him, hiding around somewhere.

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Harper: Since this is a safe space, and I'm allowed to admit to being a witch (which is illegal at home), I guess I can also tell you that I'm a cathedral archivist. I collect books and artefacts relating to magic and the supernatural and I study them to look for accurate history.

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Heresy: *Yawns in an over-exaggerated way*

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Zero: I'm a cat. That's way more interesting than being human. My favourite magic is getting stars and plants to sing to each other. It's very pretty and it helps the plants grow.

 

Legend: Your stars have had some very interesting conversations with our teas, according to Grandmama. Can you tell us a bit about the world you live in?
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Harper: It's one of the many Earths out there. Ours has magic as a God-given ability, if you believe in a god, or simply a natural phenomenon. However, the English monarchy didn't see it that way and outlawed it centuries ago. We live in a very harsh, suspicious land. Hence it feeling strange to be so openly called a witch in front of all these people.

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Heresy: I come from a different realm. It is boooooorrrrrrinnnnnng. I like it here. People shout. Throw things. Witches accidentally blow themselves up trying a simple scrying spell. It is fun.

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Legend: You mentioned a god. Are you a spiritual person?

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Harper: I think spiritual, maybe yes? But not to any specific religion. I spent my teenage years in a very spiritual household, but I don't remember my life before that. I'm reluctant to commit until I know if I believed in something then. I guess I'm a general theist-agnostic. That said, I do work for the church and Council of Faiths and my sister, my foster-sister that is, is the goddaughter of the Archbishop of York. Our housemate Saqib works for the Council too, through his mosque. We try to keep a broad view of spiritual things in our house. What about you, Zero? You see all the great magics of the country. Do you think they come from a deity?

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Zero: I'm not allowed to have an opinion on that. *He scratches his collar irritably* My master doesn't have time for such things.

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Legend: On a related subject, science, arts, or both? Or do you have the kind of religions that don't believe in those things?

 

Zero: *Interrupting as Harper starts to talk* Both! I love going to galleries and listening to art. It's my favourite, favourite thing when I can sneak away for a few minutes. And I have this friend, I guess they're a friend, they don't know I'm real, but I have this friend who has the best arty dreams and they're all colourful and noisy and taste really yummy. And I love science and maths and working out new magics when I learn new science. Dream maths is really interesting. You see dreams like spheres, but I'm trying to find a way to make them flat, so there's all these calculations...

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Heresy: Not-a-cat, you are boring people. I thought that was Harper's job.
 

Harper: Heresy. Let the kitten enjoy something. Though I'm not sure I can translate maths into English. To answer the second part, most mainstream religions are very much in favour of art and science. In fact, it's Saqib's big project to prove magic using science, mostly for the purpose of solving crimes and finding missing people. He's a forensic supernaturalist.

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Legend: So your magic uses maths? That sounds...difficult. What are the other rules of magic in your world?

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Heresy: Oh, this should be good.

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Harper: *Glares at Heresy* Well, that very much depends on whom you ask.

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Legend: *Looks around* Am I not asking you three?

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Harper: Ye...es. So, basically, there are many different types of magic but you can't just snap your fingers and poof.

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Zero: *Taps twice on the air and a swirling black circle opens. He steps through and reappears on the counter next to the till. Then he steps back.*

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Harper: That wasn't a poof. That was your brain somehow calculating wormholes or something.

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Zero: I just knock and ask politely.

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Harper: Or there are tiny folk opening doorways. Look. Basically, I don't know. I'm still very new to the witch business. Thea promises there is a logic, but between Zero's confusing alchemical maths and Heresy deliberately teaching me what's funny, not what's right, I don't always know what they are.

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Legend: Let's move onto something more juicy. Thea always tells us you folks don't get a romantic subplot, which is fine because our book has romantic plot, no sub about it. But it means you don't get to answer this normally. Who or what is the love of your life?

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Heresy: Chaos and those videos where people fall over things.

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Harper: I haven't met anyone yet. As my siblings like to point out, I'm a disaster at dating. It never feels right, plus I'm really busy with work. A lot of people are put off by my job as an arcane archivist and the fact I am an honorary member of a demonhunting family.

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Zero: I think I'm supposed to say my master. Ze loves me very much and gives me a home and looks after me.

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Harper: *Makes a strangled noise like she wants to interrupt.*

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Zero: I love you, too, Harper! I was getting to you next. You made me and looked after me as a kitten, even though I don't remember, and you look after me now. I...um...is it creepy to say someone who thinks I'm a dream? I love my arty dreamer, too. I dream about seeing them in the wakening, even though I know they'd hate me.

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Legend: I actually have a message for you, Zero. There is a certain someone from another person's book who wants you to know, and I'm quoting here, 'that you are a Good Cat and so much loved.' Also that he will find you in every universe. So I think you might have a subplot coming at some point once a few of your secrets have been revealed in book two next month.

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Zero: *Squishes himself into a little ball on Harper's lap.*

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Legend: I'm not sure if that's happy, embarrassed, or what.

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Harper: A bit of both, I think? Best continue with the interview. It takes him a long time to process compliments.

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Legend: Would a tea leaf reading help him?

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Harper: I already See enough of the future, thank you very much. We shall politely decline that one.

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Legend: One last question. Let's make it a nice crossover one between our two books.  If one of your exploits was turned into a ballad, what story would you want telling? Do you want it to be true to the facts or embellished?

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Harper: I don't feel particularly ballad-worthy. Miguel, my middle foster-sibling, sometimes made up ditties of demon hunts we did on family holidays. Maybe the time Grace, Saqib, Heresy, and I ended up at a shadow realm auction. No embellishments, though I wish I could change the ending. I argued with my author on that one a lot.

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Legend: You're already living in an alternate reality. Maybe there can be an alternate alternate shadow realm reality where the ending was different. However, my musician is actually out at a gig, so if folks want to know what really happened, they'll have to read your book.

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Harper: Thanks, Legend. I'm going to get Zero some cat-tea now.

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Legend: Careful! It makes him drunk as a skunk. Don't want him to start licking patrons again. 

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Audience, thanks for joining us. Please grab a drink and a cookie, feel free to ask the cat about maths or dreams, and come back in a few minutes for our second interview of the day.

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